Writing and praying behind closed doors: 5) Gratitude

When I suffered a haemorrhage due to miscarriage at 10:00pm that Sunday night in late July 2007; when it was all over; my first reaction was gratitude. I was grateful to be alive.

It was the little things that made the difference, the small humane gestures for which I am truly grateful.

Thanks go to the paramedic in the ambulance who held my hand as I held it out because I began to feel strange. And to the ambulance driver who joked with me that his poor driving had caused me to have a funny turn.

Thanks to the nurse who first saw me in A/E and then stayed with me throughout my treatment. At first I thought she was cross with me. She had to take my blood pressure 3 times. With briskness in her voice she instructed me to stop moving. She knew I needed urgent treatment. Then with tact, she explained she was taking me to an area where there was more room, as she wheeled me into Resuscitation.

I want to thank the team of Doctors and Nurses who appeared out of nowhere with quiet efficiency. They started to help me from all sides. Thank you to the petite nurse with her sympathetic smiling eyes who caught my eyes with hers and told me simply what was going on as it happened. Thank you to all for showing me courtesy and respect despite the indignities I had to undergo due to the nature of my predicament.

And thanks too to my lovely husband, Kevin, who stayed by my side. He showed the tenderness of his love with his initial fright and shock as I haemorrhaged into the toilet. He showed his solicitous care as he stayed by my side in the ambulance. His honesty when he said “I thought I was going to lose you” and I became his number one concern despite all our hopes and expectations being washed away by the tidal blood flow. His cheerfulness with relief when I was rescued by the hospital staff and his quickly voiced Thanks to all concerned.

Thanks too to my loving parents. The mixture of pain and relief behind Mum’s smiling eyes, when they eventually found me in the hospital. They had dashed to and fro between our home town in Todmorden, then to the hospital twelve miles away, then back to Todmorden when they couldn’t find us, then back again to the hospital.

Dad looked ponderous then emotional when we said that we may have to call it a day in our bid to be parents. Then he gave me cause to hope that perhaps all was not lost after all.

The receptionist played her part in Casualty. Apparently she showed compassion and helpfulness as she passed on messages to my missing parents.

Then Thanks too go to Amanda and Jane, the Night staff who took me onto the ward for the night. I felt cared for in their hands, their practical common sense approach  and their informative reassuring care with a human heart. In the morning there was bright and breezy Alice who gave me the confidence to get out of bed; there was the quiet friendliness of the domestic lady who was the one person I told how I was feeling; and thanks too to the Ward Clerk who found me Sam who helped me with a phone call. Yes I want to thank all of them.

Also I want to thank family who sent me cards and e-mails; my brother Peter who sent me a card with few words (what can you say?) but gave love, hugs, and prayers; my sister Sue, a Doctor, who gave me practical, medical advice; and my eldest sister Cassie, who wrote with compassion, faith and conviction. My colleagues sent me flowers and other close friends and family showed concern. We appreciated all the words of care and comfort. We would have felt very alone without them.

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About Gentle Breeze

Julia is married to Kevin. They live together in Todmorden with their black and white cat Willow. Todmorden is a small rural town nestling among the Pennine hills in the Upper Calder Valley, on the border of West Yorkshire and Lancashire. Julia is a mixture of contradictions. She happily shares her email address with her husband; yet when she married she kept her own surname.
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